Things to remember

  1. You are not constantly responsible for everyone’s happiness.
  2. You are not responsible for a person’s willful ignorance.
  3. Choices made out of fear are not as worthwhile as ones made out of love and respect (whether for others or for yourself).
  4. People who consciously hurt you (physically, verbally, mentally, emotionally)┬áto “teach you a lesson” or because that’s how they show “love” are people you do not need in your life.
  5. You have the right to distance yourself from people who directly or indirectly hurt you. You do not need to be loud and malicious about it, even if that will bring you (temporary) joy.
  6. When a person is hurting you, it is not about you. It is usually the need to feed their ego or they are projecting their issues onto you.
  7. You do not need to hear anyone’s explanation why a person is hurting you. You do not need to consume yourself with trying to understand why a person is hurting you.
  8. Just because you are an easy target does not make you weak or cowardly or not worthy of support and love.
  9. There is a fine line between paranoia and sensitivity, self-doubt and self-awareness, being understanding of others and being stepped on by others.
  10. It’s not your fault.
  11. If it is your fault, recognize it and own up to it.
  12. When someone hurts you, you have the right not to listen to them or accept their apology until you are ready.
  13. When you apologize to someone, that person has the right not to listen to your or accept your apology until they are ready.
  14. You have the right to be selfish, to say no to things, especially if you know they will cause you harm.
  15. Every side should be heard, but once a person becomes combative and harmful, you have every right to say no and to take yourself out of the conversation.
  16. People say cruel things when they’re upset and even when they’re not upset. They could be true or at least a fraction of the truth or just outright lies to make themselves feel better. You have the right to feel hurt. You have the right to let them know. You have the right not to listen to these cruel things.
  17. When you say “no” or “stop” and they do not listen, you have the right to leave and keep yourself safe. Even when you do not say “no” or “stop,” you still have the right to leave and keep yourself safe.
  18. There is no shame in asking for help. Keeping yourself safe is worth all the shame you are afraid of.
  19. You are not responsible for people who do not know or refuse to know your truth.
  20. When people have made up their minds about you and dismiss your truth, you do not owe them any explanation.
  21. You do not owe anyone in the world any explanation about your life (unless they are directly affected), period.
  22. Keep a record of EVERYTHING. Even the ugly things. Your past informs your present and future.
  23. The flashbacks may be less frequent and the bad voices may quiet down, but that doesn’t mean they will never come back again and in full force. That happens. It’s not your fault.
  24. You will feel alone even when given help or comforted by others. That’s okay. You are alone. You are alone and that’s okay. You will need to accept being alone and find strength in it. The validation you seek can be found nowhere else but in yourself.